Helpless

A week ago I was riding in the front of an ambulance while my husband tried to console our crying child in the back. I have never felt so helpless in my life.

While on vacation at Bald Head Island, JillyBean fell off of a bench and broke her arm. My first thought was thankfully it was only an arm. But then when I heard her scream, I felt numb. My baby was in pain and there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn't even console her or hug her since Beanie Daddy had her in his arms and a transfer was not possible.

The whole scene seemed much more dramatic at the time than it does today. We were on an island, didn't have access to our car and needed to get to the mainland via ferry to get help for her. She was calm once we got to the hospital, which totally amazed me. She was especially excited to have a picture taken of her bones. What a champ. All the time I tried to calm the butterflies inside my stomach. The worse part was having to hold her down while the nurses put an IV in her arm.

As for the break, it's about as good as it can get if you're going to break your arm. She will be back to her old self in a few weeks, though you cannot tell that much has changed.

Looking back, though at the image of my baby lying in a hospital ER bed and hooked up to monitors is still upsetting. I am extremely thankful that we were there for a seemingly minor incident but can't help think of the countless moms and dads whose children have to deal with major illness or who experience a major injury. All my child was hooked up to was a blood pressure machine. She didn't have tubes to feed her, help her breathe or to relieve pain. How can these parents endure such a scene much less live with the knowledge that they basically live in a hospital?

This whole incident has prompted me to get involved with our local Ronald McDonald House. I believe that it is a wonderful resource for parents who are having to care for terminally ill children.

It is my desire to teach Jilly that is important to share the many blessings that have been given to her by God. It is the greatest lesson my mother taught, and still teaches, me and one that I want to see continue with my daughter. I believe that as she grows older, helping the families of sick children is something that she will easily understand. We are trying to get it in her head that she is a very lucky girl but not every child has what she has. She is still young and can't understand, but I believe that it is never too early to share the message.

Good Bye Summer

It is crazy to me that summer is already coming to an end. Each summer seems to get shorter and shorter as I get older, so I hope that the warm lazy days seem to linger a bit more for JillyBean. These were always my favorite days as a kid - getting to stay out late, run through the neighborhood with friends, swim - and I want Jilly to have the same experience.

We made our last batch of fruit pops last week, and wouldn't you know it they were the best. The peaches seemed much sweeter than those we used the last go around and I have decided that fresh peach pops are a little more refreshing and tastier than strawberry, even though I like to eat strawberries more on their own. The fruit pops will soon be replaced with homemade applesauce, baked cinnamon apples, pumpkin bread and hot cocoa. Not bad replacements, but certainly not as fun to eat as frozen pops or fudgesicles.

Our summer is not officially over. We still have our summer vacation approaching, although the calendar will say that it is fall. We are heading to Bald Head Island in a week and are holding out hope that the warm weather sticks around a bit longer for a few nice afternoons on the beach. But once we return our focus will be on getting ready for Halloween, then Thanksgiving and then Christmas is upon us. It's hard to believe that the year coming to an end.

Cre8ive

JillyBean has been exploring her creative side quite a bit lately. She has always enjoyed painting, using modeling clay, and building castles out of blocks, but she is gravitating to these activities more lately. To encourage this, I have decided to enroll her in a couple of art programs this fall as well as our continuation of Kindermusik.

The first actual art class Jilly is taking is through the Charlotteville Parks & Recreation department and is called Messes and Masterpieces. I think it's a quite fitting title. I am really excited for this because it will expose Jilly to all art forms. The second program I enrolled Jilly in is through the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts. I had originally gone on their site to find out what exhibits they have on display, only to learn that the museum is basically closed for renovations. However, their monthly preschool program is still in full swing. This class excites me because it will introduce JB to actual works of art while giving her the opportunity create her own.

Teaching Jilly art is something I need help with. Sure, we can color, paint and do projects at home, but I am not a very artistic person. In spite of being a professional writer, I have little patience for dealing with the details necessary to be proficient in art. I don't lose myself in drawing or painting like others do. I was never a big coloring book kid (drew outside of the lines and rarely completed a picture). I want Jilly to have a real opportunity to explore this side of her. Maybe she will bore of it and maybe she will excel. Either way, I believe it is important to grant her some exposure.

Bedtime Stories

Like most parents, we have read to JillyBean since she was born. It has been part of our nightly routine since Day 1. And as she has grown and gained a greater interest in stories, we read to her throughout the day.

Now we have taken the next turn - sending her to bed WITH a book. Obviously she is not able to read at this point, but she has heard the stories so many times that she has either memorized the words (like The Digging-est Dog) or gets the gist of the story (like Duck in the Truck). Every nap time she requests to take a book, or two or three, to bed so that she can "read" it to Lilly, her frog, and to the rest of the half dozen or so babies that sleep with her. At first I was a bit hesitant, because I really wanted her to nap. My fear was that she would just sit up there and "play" and not rest. (The rule at nap time is that if she doesn't sleep, she has to stay there for 2 hours). But it was too cute to see her sitting at the side of her crib, with Lilly next to her, and listening in as she told the story.

In a way it has reinforced to us that she is actually developing reading comprehension. BeanieDaddy will change up a story every now and again and she'll pick up on what is different and correct him. She also asks Lilly the same questions that we ask her when we read - like how many candles are on Curious George's birthday cake?

And while in the beginning the reading in bed would lead to less sleep time, lately she has fallen asleep shortly after she finishes the story. I am unsure how so-called child experts would view this practice and what it means for toddler sleep requirements, but I think that the results are positive now and down the road. For one, it fosters a love of books and stories, which will help with her language and thinking skills. I also believe that it has helped to develop Jilly's incredible imagination.

Consignment Time

It is hard to believe that fall is around the corner and that means that it's consignment season. The amazing Here Wee Grow Again sale begins Saturday, Sept. 26. In addition to providing a great place to shop for children's clothes, toys, and gear, this year's sale features Divine Consign, a consignment sale for women.

While I am very excited to be part of the sale again this season (this will make my third), I am a bit bummed by the timing. The deadline to get all of my items logged in the system is when we will be in Chicago and the sale begins while we are on our beach vacation. On one hand it's good because it has forced me to get started early. On the other hand it's bad because I won't be able to volunteer or participate in the pre-sale for volunteers and consignors. Hmmm...I bet BeanieDaddy would say that's a plus.

I started pulling out JillyBean's stuff this afternoon and am pleasantly surprised by how few things I felt the need to keep. I am getting much better at letting go, though there are still some items I feel the need to keep. I am also very happy that some of her clothes from last year will more than likely still fit this fall. That's why I love buying stuff from Mini Boden. They're sized in a way that she can get a couple of years out of most of the clothes so I don't feel so guilty spending what I spend there (though their sales are really great). Jilly's coveted pink jeans should still fit this year, which is a good thing because I haven't been able to find anything similar.

Life Lessons

I knew that it had been a while since I had posted, but I didn't think that it had been this long. I checked in a couple of weeks ago, saw the previous post then was too ashamed to start up again. It's kind of like that old friend who you haven't talked to in a while but both of you are embarrassed to pick up the phone and call each other then pretty soon the friendship dissolves. That is not my intention here.

So much has happened the past couple of months. We have moved and JillyBean is growing much faster than I ever expected. I will update on that soon - promise - but something happened the other day and I have have to write about it so that I can move past it. Hopefully.

We live in a new neighborhood that is filled with kids and most are around the same age - elementary school. Jilly has two little friends who we have known for about a year, and it is nice to have them so close by for play time. I love it here because it is nice to know that kids still actually play outside. I hear them running around after dark and it reminds me of summer when I was a kid. I was pretty shocked one night when I heard them outside our back window playing red rover. I didn't think that today's more sophisticated children knew about that game.

On Tuesday Jilly woke up from her nap and a group of girls and boys were at "war" with one another. Boys against girls, water gun style. Jilly wanted to go out and watch them play, so we took a walk. The battle had pretty much come to an end by the time we got outside, but the girls were making sure they were prepared in case the boys returned. Their water blasters were locked and loaded.

For as friendly and fun as JillyBean is, she has developed a shy side. I encourage her to "be brave" when she approaches new kids and when she wants to play with them. I let her know that if she stands back, she may miss out on the fun. So as we approached these girls - who are between the ages of 7 and 10 - she looked at me and said "I'm going to ask, mama." That meant she was going to ask if she could play with them. I told her to be brave and if she wanted to play that she needed to get closer to them so that they could hear he ask. She inched her way toward the group and kept looking back at me for encouragement. I told her to keep going.

Now, these girls are super sweet and they really enjoy helping out with the little ones around here, but I don't think they really know what to do when a two-year-old approaches them; especially when they've just completed a battle with the opposite sex. There came a point when an invisible line seemed to be drawn between Jilly and the girls and they just stared at each other. I stayed back and did not let the girls know what she was doing, just to see what would happen. Soon, Jilly retreated but I was proud of the progress that she had made.

What went through my mind next has been weighing on me ever since. I suddenly got a flash of the day when my child will want to play with a group of friends and they'll tell her that they don't want to play with her. I can see it now: she'll run home with tears in her eyes, heart broken not understanding why kids she plays with on a regular basis all of a sudden don't want to be her friend. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes so I can't begin to imagine what it will be like when it actually happens. On the other hand, I am also sure that there will be a day when she will be the mean girl and say something like that to her friend, but that's for a different post.

For the past couple of days I have been playing the scenario over and over in my head. I don't know why I am obsessing on this. I think that mothers of girls have a very unique role compared to mothers of boys. The self-confidence of girls is so fragile and the desire to be accepted is so strong. I am trying hard to instill in Jilly that she is a very special and very loved little girl. That no matter what happens or whatever anyone says, she will always be loved by her family and, most importantly, by God. I tell her that she is lucky to have so many people who love her. I let her know that God made her a very special and that no one is like her. I encourage her and praise her uniqueness. I know that when you're a kid, though, it doesn't matter how much mom and dad showers you with love, if the kid down the street makes fun of you then it's the end of the world.

What I have concluded is that the best thing to say to her is nothing at all. When she comes home at 5, 15, 25 or even 35 with a broken heart, my job is to be waiting for her with open arms and a shoulder to cry on.

An Open Letter to the Disney Channel

Dear Disney Channel Executives:

I was never one of those moms who swore that she would keep her child away from the television. Let's face it - I am a television junkie. I do not have the discipline to stay away from my favorite shows and certainly cannot hide it from my daughter. I am thankful for the DV-R because it has changed my life. I still watch the shows that I love, but I am no longer a slave to network schedules.

However, I do limit what my daughter watches. Besides, there is very little that holds her attention. She is a huge fan of Elmo but doesn't ask to watch Sesame Street. She gets excited when she sees Dora in the store, but doesn't care much for her on TV. The only show that the child apparently needs to watch on a regular basis is Little Einsteins. She loves Rocket, wants to be June, and brushes her teeth twice a day with Annie. We have the DV-R set up to record every episode and replay it each day before lunch. Her routine typically follows the format: morning activities, Einsteins, lunch, book, nap. Sometimes we're out a little late or eat lunch out with friends so we save Einsteins for when I am getting ready for dinner. In fact, she sometimes gets a double dose of the little world travelers because it allows me the opportunity to get things done in the kitchen without being disturbed. I can also use an extra viewing as a reward, or a way to coax her into doing something that she doesn't want to do.

So you can understand why I am extremely upset with your recent line-up change. No longer does Leo lead the gang on a musical adventure each weekday. We are now limited to Saturday and Sunday episodes. It doesn't really matter that she's seen all of the episodes a couple dozen times, she adores the characters. In addition, she is actually learning about music terminology. She takes Kindermusik and I was so excited one day when Ms. Pam played the block and she looked up at me and said "staccato." She has also used the term pianissimo correctly. When she hears pieces by Mozart and Tchaikovsky on the radio, she identifies them with the show. She has shown a great interest in all types of instruments thanks to Quincy, makes up songs thanks to Annie and tries to follow June's ballet moves.

Did I mention that she is only two? I know that this doesn't make her some kind of savant, but it shows that she is actually learning something that I don't have the knowledge teach her.

Please rethink your schedule and bring Leo, Annie, June, Quincy and Rocket back on a more regular basis. I can't begin to imagine what we would do if you stop airing the show altogether. We enjoy Handy Manny from time to time and she will request My Friends Tigger and Pooh frequently, but when given a choice, she always picks Einsteins.

Kind Regards,

Beanie Mom