Me and My Girl

Beanie Nana and great-grandmother were in town this past week and it was nice having them here to visit. On Friday, JillyBean decided she wanted to stay home with them instead of accompanying me on our weekly grocery trip. At first I thought that it was a great idea - I would be able to run in, knock out everything on the list and get home in no time.

As soon as I started my trek over the mountain I began to get a little sad. I kept looking in my rear view mirror to see Jilly and had to stop myself several times from asking her a question. It was very lonely. Plus, it didn't take me any less time to shop than if she would have been with me. It hammered home a notion that I had often felt but never truly realized until then - I like being with my daughter.

Jilly has a very independent spirit. As she grows older she is more willing to explore that side of herself. Also, she is at the age where we are having to consider placing her in preschool. Is this something we want to do now or wait until she's closer to school age? I certainly don't think she needs to go to preschool to get a jump start on her academics. Everything that they teach them at this age is what we do on a daily basis at home - letters, colors, numbers, etc. I don't think she needs it for socialization because she plays with so many different kids on a daily basis. Some parents view the three hours their children is in preschool as an opportunity for them to have their own time, or a brief break from parenthood. I have mixed feelings about this. For one, Jilly does need to get used to being away from me and in the care of "strangers." But she's doing well with her Sunday school class as well as at MOPs. And, frankly, I don't know what I would do without her.

I made the decision a year-and-a-half ago to stay home with her and I am not ready to be without her. Sure, there are a few things that I could do every now and again that would be easier without having to take her with me, but overall, those are very few and far between.

She's my buddy. And I mean that in the sense that I really enjoy being with my child and not that I'm her "friend" more so than I am her mother. I enjoy her company. She makes me laugh and I love hearing her stories and her perspective on everything that she sees and experiences. Our time together is fleeting. Soon she will be in school, she'll be running out the door to play with her friends, she'll go off to college and, well, move on with her own life. I am not ready to let go of her now.