The Good, the Bad, and the What Were You Thinking?

So once again I make up my mind to make it a habit to post more frequently and once again I fail. However, this time it wasn't because I simply didn't take the time to turn on my computer and write. I have purposely avoided writing because it would mean being completely honest about life around here.

Don't get me wrong. In the grand scheme of things our life is great. We are happy and healthy (except for a week-long case of the snots). But I have come to realize in the past two-and-a-half weeks that the most frustrating part of parenthood is how you can have a seemingly perfect child one day and a terror the next. And I don't mean little meltdowns that take place at random parts of a fairly smooth day, I'm talking about full-blown ugliness that seems to consume the day.

I am not so sure Jillian ever had a chance. I am not a super calm, soothing person. I have several friends who speak with sweet, whispy tones and try as I might, it doesn't work with me. So when I get flustered, frustrated, excited, whatever, I tend to do it big. Yes, I do have my moments when I am calm and collective and that's usually when I'm around others. And I also go to the other extreme where I brush it off and act like nothing has happened. But for some reason I tend to overreact when alone or with those who are closest to me. So it's no surprise that when something doesn't go as planned for my child that she flips out. That's what has been happening lately around here and it's been happening with more frequency.

Last week I was so upset with her that I actually said that I should enroll her in preschool and let someone else deal with her. Then reality quickly hit me with the fact that she'd still come home and probably with other behavior issues learned from other kids that we would have to correct. Sure she'd be out of the house for three hours a day, three to five days a week. But she's home with us for at least 21 hours a day, 7 days a week.

I literally dropped to my knees in prayer one day asking God to help. Help my child become more obedient. Help me react better to her. Help me be a positive example to her.

My answer came in the form of a couple of blog posts by women who are filled with much more wisdom than I.

This post on MOD Squad made me question if I expect more out of my daughter than she is capable of giving. For heaven's sake, she only three. There are times that I expect her to behave on the level of an adult when, truth be told, most adults don't behave any better. I need to be more mindful of where she is NOW. I need to understand that she is still being shaped and instead of getting frustrated that she makes the same comment four times in a row let her know that I look forward to the day when God teaches her that she is being heard and understood by others.

I also need to show her more grace than I am willing to grant her most days. How awful would it be if the God I try so hard to follow just threw up his hands with disgust and said he was finished with me? Following him means following his example.

The next way God spoke to me was through Ann Voskamp, author of One Thousand Gifts and the blog, A Holy Experience. She spoke to my reaction to Jillian's missteps by writing:

"You are what you speak and you are what you hear and we are our words and our tongue is the tail of our heart."

Wow. The words ripped through me like a sword. Although I have always known this truth, the reality has never seeped into my heart as it did then and there. Again, bringing me to my knees in prayer that God help me offer calm, supportive, loving, yet authoritative words to my child. She only knows how to react by learning from me.

She's a fabulous child and a joy to be around - most of the time. It is up to me to lead by example and remember that she is still a very young work in progress.

Comfort in Routine

In a way I am sad that the Christmas season has come to an end. We took down our tree over the weekend and packed away the rest of the Christmas decor and now the house looks, well, blah. But there is a level of comfort in returning to the same-ol-same-ol.

Jillian and I did not leave the house on Monday. We played with one of her art projects (a fabulous gift from a friend that will become a favorite gift of ours to give), did some school work, had plenty of play and music time, and completed a craft project for today's music class.

Jillian has been part of Kindermusik for nearly 3 years. There have been times when I have questioned continuing the program, but she loves the class and loves music. This session the kids are learning music that has to do with weather. Snow is the current topic so we had to make snow boots that she could take to class. It was a fun little activity that we did after nap time.

We used a brown paper bag, dot paint, stickers and cotton balls. Jilly had so much fun decorating her boots.
One had pink and green dots with snowflake stickers and the other had purple and blue dots with snowman and penguin stickers. The cotton balls served as "fur" lining to keep the snow out of the boots and to keep her feet nice and toasty.

She had a lot of fun stomping around in the snow that apparently filled her playroom. She even laid down on the floor to make a snow angel and trotted around with her bells singing Jingle Bells.

It was a fun afternoon and a great way to begin a new year.